Ambien No Longer Working

Yesterday when I got home from work Wife was sitting at the kitchen table laughing to herself. Not just chuckling but laughing so hard that her body swayed back and forth. It was quiet laughter though because she was trying to suppress it. I took a peek in her journal while she was showering and she had written something about me sending money to my niece, J, who Wife believes is really my daughter. She also wrote something about me having a child with my second brother’s wife. Not sure how she got these connections in her head but it’s been a recurring theme for her the last couple of times she’s “been sick”.

The Ambien doesn’t work any more. Wife was up most or all of last night.

Wife Is “Getting Better”

Wife has been laughing to herself most of the day for the past few days. She wrote her name on a box of Raisin Bran cereal. At this phase she thinks she’s contagious or something because she seems very concerned that we don’t share any dishes. This is the first time I’ve seen her write her name on a cereal box though. She probably was eating it, just dipping her hand in the box, and now thinks it’s contaminated. Who knows.

Wife has also been opening the windows during the day. When we gott home from the kids’ Christmas piano recital last night, she was wearing her heavy down yellow coat, just shutting the windows when she heard the car pull in to the driveway. During this phase she becomes almost obsessed with “letting the air circulate”. For some reason the air in the house was fine last week, but not now. So the house gets down into the 50s and of course the kids want it up in the 70s so everyday we have to re-heat the house. “Talking sense” to Wife doesn’t work, of course, so today I took her coat with me in the car. Maybe if she can’t find it she won’t open the windows all day. Or she may just wrap up in blankets and open them anyway. But, not to worry. Wife assured me last night that she is “getting better”.

Slept with help from Ambien

Thanks to some Ambien, Wife slept a good part of the night, but she woke early, around 4 or 5, spent the next several hours reading in her bed. She also sat in the bathroom a lot and sometimes at the kitchen table, head in hands, looking like she’s so tired she wants to die. Occasionally she erupted in crazy laughter. Laughing quite hard at stuff that only she is aware of. “inappropriate laughter” I think is what her doctor called it once, because it is exactly the kind of laughter that make you appear insane. It wouldn’t make a lick of difference if she were entirely alone in the  house. She still does it.

Wife  has more of an appetite today, but functioning-wise, she can’t seem to muster enough strenth (or desire?) to even fill her own cup with water or heat up prepared leftovers in TupperWare containers in the microwave. She seems very weak physically. When she walks she weaves like a drunkard and had to hold onto the walls and furniture.

Stayed on the toilet most of the day

Wife took and Ambien last night and I think she slept for at least 8 hours, but she sill looked as bad as if she hadn’t slept, so maybe she was just lying there all night but not sleeping. I don’t know. Either way, she is in the phase of going into the backroom and sitting on the loo for literally hours at a time. Often, the only reason she comes out at all is because we only have one bathroom and the rest of us knock to let her know we need to use it. She usually goes back in as soon as the other person is out. I don’t know why she sits in there. She has eaten so little the past day or two she couldn’t possibly need to be using it very often, let alone most of the day.

I made a big pot of soup and gave here a couple bowls of that and filled her water bottle up with water and took it to her. I don’t think she spoke more than 10 words to me all day, and those were incomprehensible mumblings about some people’s names. It’s so strange to witness how fast she goes from happy, bubbly, outgoing, confident to a state that is more or less the opposite: totally vulnerable, unsure of anythng, doesn’t want to leave the house (or bedroom or bathroom sometimes), face looking miserable, and her whole body looks very weak, like she can hardly stand at times.

Took Wife to Doctor

Wife agreed to go the our family doctor for some sleeping pills. He gave her a prescription for Ambien 10mg.

Wife Holds Head In Hands All Day Long

Wife spent the entire day holding her head in her hands, looking like she just got shot with an arrow or something. It’s hard to stay home when she’s like this. Fortunately, I can take the kids to Fifth Sister’s at time like this.

I gave Wife several hot toddies tonight and she was able to sleep some.

Sits for Hours In One Place

Wife spent the day sitting in one place for hours on end. It doesn’t matter if she’s sitting on her bed, sitting on the toilet, or sitting on the living room floor on the heater vents. She just sits there for hours with her eyes closed, face looking like she’s in pain.

Why Does Mommy Stare?

Wife sat and stared for most of the day. Son asked me, “Why is mommy just staring?” This is the part I hate the most, when I see how it affects the children. I hate it, hate it, hate it.

Not Sleeping

Wife didn’t sleep tonight. Happy Valentine’s Day. Right.

Church President Dies

The president of our church died today. I fear this will affect Wife adversely. She always felt that he was very special and I’m afraid this might trigger one of her episodes.